Not Every Unpretentious Celebrity Rides A Motorcycle, But Every Celebrity That Rides A Motorcycle Unpretentious, Study Finds
Not Every Unpretentious Celebrity Rides A Motorcycle, But Every Celebrity That Rides A Motorcycle Unpretentious, Study Finds
A new study out of the National Office for Compassion, Understanding, and Neighborly Tenderness Studies (N.O.C.U.N.T.S) has discovered an antidote for the pompous pandemic running rampant in the celebrity community: motorcycles.
“It turns out that motorcycles have a 100% efficacy rate at turning insufferable rich people into remarkably chill human beings,” said Dr. Molly Teresa, lead researcher for N.O.C.U.N.T.S. “This is one of the most exciting breakthroughs in the history of N.O.C.U.N.T.S. outside of discovering the healing powers of Guy Martin’s accent.”
The study found two aspects of motorcycling that seem to be contributing to this cure.
“We feel a motorcycle helmet is the ultimate equalizer in terms of looks, which is a good thing for regular ugly people but a nerf for celebrities,” Dr. Teresa said. “That’s kind of why Tom Cruise is still a little bit of a jerk… his refusal to wear a helmet.”
Motorcycling’s ability to immerse the rider deep into the outside world is the second aspect.
“No matter how far up your own butt you are, there’s nothing quite like motorcycling to show you that the world operates with or without you in it,” said Dr. Teresa.
These findings will hopefully be used to better the world in other areas.
“We can only hope that this two-wheeled discovery can be used to treat the most insufferable, vile, and selfish amongst us: politicians.”
““It turns out that motorcycles have a 100% efficacy rate at turning insufferable rich people into remarkably chill human beings. This is one of the most exciting breakthroughs in the history of N.O.C.U.N.T.S. outside of discovering the healing powers of Guy Martin’s accent.””
