MV Agusta Whistleblower Has Been Using Bike Names To Warn People Of The Stages Of Ownership
MV Agusta Whistleblower Has Been Using Bike Names To Warn People Of The Stages Of Ownership
“The public needs to know what they’re signing up for when they purchase an MV Agusta. The bikes are so beautiful that it’s easy to be dragged down into the dark, depths of ownership. I’ve seen it time and time again. Straight up SirenCycles we’re making here. Someone had to do something.”
The above statement was from an anonymous source at MV Agusta who claims to have been using model names to try and warn people of what their life will be like if they pull the trigger on an MV Agusta.
“If you go to our motorcycle models on our website, you’ll see it – clear as day – the roadmap of what your life will be like after purchasing one.”
According to the anonymous source, the stages of MV Agusta ownership are as follows:
Stage 1: Rush – The rush you’ll get when you realize you own a piece of art you can ride.
Stage 2: Brutale – The quick realization you not only own something that’s “Brutale” on your checkbook… but also “Brutale” to ride and “Brutale” to maintain.
Stage 3: Dragster – This is when you will begin to feel your MV Agusta ownership drag you down into dark places. The Dark Side of Geppetto, if you will.
Stage 4: Turismo Veloce – Dark times will have you questioning motorcycles altogether and quickly exploring (or fast touring) other hobbies outside of motorcycling, like…
Stage 5: F3 – Formula 1 is boring as hell, but maybe in F3 they pass each other. What can it hurt?
Stage 6: Superveloce – Nothing can fill the void motorcycles once held in your heart and your life starts crumbling at a super fast (superveloce) rate.
Stage 7: LXP (Luxury All-Terrain) – Your desire for luxury machines ultimately leads you into the dirt.
Upon releasing this shocking news to the public, MV Agusta sales have gone up 200% because Moto Influencers and Romantasy novel readers both think they’ll be the ones to change them.
“The public needs to know what they’re signing up for when they purchase an MV Agusta. The bikes are so beautiful that it’s easy to be dragged down into the dark, depths of ownership. I’ve seen it time and time again. Straight up SirenCycles we’re making here. Someone had to do something.”
