KTM Reassures Everyone That Only A Couple Of Its Models Are Manufactured In A Profitable Manner
KTM Reassures Everyone That Only A Couple Of Its Models Are Manufactured In A Profitable Manner
BREAKING: KTM has released an official statement in response to the recent panic about the company’s business practices, debt, and likely bankruptcy.
“There’s a lot of rumors and speculation out there about KTM’s so-called ‘sketchy’ business practices and we wanted to take this moment to reassure everyone that the vast majority of our models are still manufactured the way they’ve always been… in a manner that hemorrhages money,” stated KTM in their official press release.
The company has also used this statement to announce its plans to resolve its debt, which is nearly 3 billion Euros.
“We’ve taken immediate action by promoting our fuel-pump guy to oversee all parts and manufacturing,” said the statement. “His ability to make KTM fuel pumps fail at an alarming rate, but not quite enough to warrant a full recall, is truly a remarkable talent that we can’t wait to tap into more. After all, services are where the big bucks are and the fuel pump guy will lead us out of this desert of debt and despair.”
Given that KTM is charging ridiculous prices, making supercars for some reason, and pissing off the entire country of Australia for firing Jack Miller from its MotoGP team, they’ve also decided to announce a backup plan that should ensure the company's prosperity for years to come.
“We’ve asked China to change the town’s name where our factory is located from “Guangzhou” to “Little Austria,” the statement said. “That way we can still claim that most of our models are built in Austria… since that’s working out great for us now.”
“We’ve taken immediate action by promoting our fuel-pump guy to oversee all parts and manufacturing. His ability to make KTM fuel pumps fail at an alarming rate, but not quite enough to warrant a full recall, is truly a remarkable talent that we can’t wait to tap into more. After all, services are where the big bucks are and the fuel pump guy will lead us out of this desert of debt and despair.”
