‘It’s Not IF, But WHEN You Crash,’ According To People Who’ve Crashed
‘It’s Not IF, But WHEN You Crash,’ According To People Who’ve Crashed
Bad news for motorcyclists everywhere as The Center For Squids Who Can’t Ride Good (CSWCRG) has made it official that you have crashed a motorcycle… just like all of them have… you just might not know you’ve crashed yet.
“That’s right, every motorcyclist has had – or will have had – a humiliating wreck, so we all need to stop judging each other for HAVNTOLAYERDOWN on occasion,” said Derek Zoomlander, founder of CSWCRG. “It’s like Final Destination out there and there’s really nothing you can do to prevent the inevitable. Some of us just went ahead and ripped off the Band-Aid, so to speak.”
According to the official CSWCRG report, things like defensive riding, self-control, maturity, practice, skill, and choosing not to target fixate, are just social constructs designed to make certain members of the riding community feel insecure.
“We call ourselves ‘The Transentit’ because we’ve transcended the naive, outdated thinking that you can take certain precautionary steps to avoid sending it into a ditch,” Derek said. “It’s sad to hear some out there are still clinging to the hope that their actions have something to do with consequences… they’re lost fools.”
We asked Derek about some contradictory reports that suggest not everyone who rides a motorcycle will slam into the back of a sedan while vibing to music.
“It’s such a ridiculous stance to take,” Derek said. “Nobody in their right mind would spend thousands of dollars getting into motorcycling if they weren’t confident that it would one day lead to road rash. It’s terrible advice designed to make the non-transentit feel better about themselves. I think the Bible said it best, ‘Let he without skin grafts throw the first stone.’”
“We call ourselves ‘The Transentit’ because we’ve transcended the naive, outdated thinking that you can take certain precautionary steps to avoid sending it into a ditch,” Derek said. “It’s sad to hear some out there are still clinging to the hope that their actions have something to do with consequences… they’re lost fools.”
