Man Opts For Tinted Visor On Night Ride; Says Likely Death Is Still Better Than Looking Lame

After a grueling few seconds of weighing the pros and cons, local motorcyclist, Steven Wonder, decided it was in his best interest to wear a dark-smoke visor on his night ride.

“On one hand, I can’t see sh*t and will almost certainly be cut in half after I hit a tree at 60mph,” Steven said. “But, on the other hand, clear visors are totally dorky. So… dark-smoke visor it is, obviously.”

Steven points to the concept of motorcycling as a whole for why his choice is such an easy one to make.

“The very idea of motorcycling in the Western world is to sacrifice the safety, comforts, and common sense associated with cars for the chance to look like you’re cooler than everyone else,” Steven said. “I mean hell, the Icon Stryker Jacket exists… I rest my case.”

Steven says his self-imposed blindness isn’t just for him, though. It’s also for his brethren who will almost certainly make fun of him for exposing his winkers.

“I will be damned if I get caught turning my back on two-wheeled vanity! SO ARISE MY BROTHERS AND DON THE DARK VISOR! FOR IT IS RIGHT! FOR IT IS DOPE! FOR IT. IS. MOTORCYLING!”

Story update:

Immediately after his speech, Steven exited the parking lot and went straight into a ditch at 4 mph. The cause of the crash is believed to either be a lack of freeing the face tits or failure to remove the baffle from the aftermarket exhaust.